❝but you’re not my type…❞
The day before yesterday, I had the type of day where I didn’t want people to look at me. But alas, they all kept looking anyways.
I am still unsure what to name this blog. Thinking about ethereal, faerie, saintess, lace, star, lunar, lune, as keywords.
Been listening to a lot of Addison Rae. I love her music and lament the fact I left my “AR” CD back in America. However, I don’t own a CD player right now.
Diet Pepsi wasn’t the song that originally drew me to her music but I really like it lately. Addison’s messy yet charismatic sensuality of her being comfortable in her own skin is something I admire, and wish to embody someday.
I often feel a bit like a stiff outsider in many situations, yet am grateful for those aligned moments I do have. They bring some meaning into my life.
✧
最前列に座って私を見てるあなたと
華やかな世界を味わってしまった私
I randomly remembered a time I was called a manic pixie dream girl. Is that a compliment, I wonder, or a bad thing?
I don’t feel like analyzing that right now. Maybe it’s okay to be someone’s Ramona Flowers who skates into someone’s life and leaves a lasting impression even when they’re not there.
I recently saw a video about how most romantic advice towards women on the internet isn’t designed for, and doesn’t apply to those who struggle with avoidant attachment. “You need to learn how to practice regulation out in the world, real healthy connection by saying yes, and slowly exposing yourselves to said connection.”
I am perfectly comfortable avoiding certain people and situations but maybe that’s part of what the problem is.
I’ll unpack that later. Getting over my fear of being perceived has already been hard enough!
until next time…
~A
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